“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” William James

I mentioned this quote on my radio show on Wednesday night, www.talknangels.com and many people responded to it. I decided to do some further research and found William James http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_james to be quite a brilliant man. It was then that I decided to turn this quote into one of my one minute practices.

Do I understand it correctly?  Is Professor James saying all I have to do to alter my life, my situation in life, is to simply alter my attitude.
I can practice that.

Do you understand what that means? You don’t have to do anything major or anything drastic. All you have to do, is alter your attitude. Smile. Laugh. Or maybe you need to cry and get it out. Either way, it’s a great time to start being a better you. To start doing more of what you want to do, to start enjoying the best life you can imagine.
And you can start it so easily.

Just by changing your attitude.

My wife points out however that when we’re really deep into a feeling, she doesn’t believe it is that easy to “just” change one’s attitude.
She even had the audacity to point out that when I was in a “mood” the other night I wasn’t so quick to just change it because I, like so many of us, get invested in our feelings.

So what are we mere mortals to do?
Practice baby, practice. But how do we do that?

As I walked this morning I was stressing about something so I thought it would be a good time to practice getting my “William James” on. I did it by repeating the quote over and over in my mind to begin the process of turning a theory into a belief.

I practiced saying and thinking about the quote.
Instantly, yes, really instantly, not only did my mind change and I started feeling better, but I also started seeing positives, and was soon laughing and coming up with some wonderfully creative ideas and strategies for the coming year.

Perhaps for some of you another idea would be to approach it like a science experiment. Pick a time of day or an event that occurs daily; your morning commute, standing in line at the coffee shop, your boss droning on and on at the morning meeting, your kid not emptying the dishwasher again.

Make the decision ahead of time that you will enter into that scenario with this practice in mind. So as this ongoing event happens once again, what is changing is not the event, but realizing it’s your choice to shift your thoughts and feelings towards it. This will take practice.

I find comfort and joy in the quote. Just knowing that anytime I choose, I can change my life by changing my attitude, brings an easy smile to my face.

So give it a try for yourself. Think about what this quote means.

It doesn’t mean to rush out and try to alter your life, it’s too big a job. Start easy by practicing altering your attitude, either when you’re struggling with a situation or when you’re in a great mood and want to stay there. If someone as brilliant as William James said it, you and I can certainly be open to the possibility it is true.

It may not seem it, but you are in a fantastic place right now if you are reading these words. For if you can now realize that you can alter your life, change your circumstances and create a life you desire, just by “altering your attitude” then your life is about to get a whole lot better.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.
Michael

A View from the wing…

I’m happy to share with you this guest blog, written by my wife and wingmate, about finding angels and wingmen in the unlikeliest of places.

Imagining how the US Postal Service even begins to organize, manage and distribute all of its millions of letters, packages and boxes and actually sees to their accurate delivery is for me akin to understanding how airplanes fly. I know there is a science to it, but I figure there must be some divine intervention at play as well. And so, as I made my way to my town’s Post Office with a package for my daughter addressed to some strange sounding place in Kathmandu, Nepal, my confidence level wasn’t high.

At the counter the harried clerk asked me the destination of the package as she gave me the customs form and instructed me on how to fill it out. “What’s in the box?” she queried. I made a mental list: Airborne and Pepto Bismol, shampoo and lotion, probiotics and vitamin D, anything from the drug store that might keep her safe and healthy, there was her favorite childhood storybook in case a sad and lonely night ever surfaced, a pair of earrings, and some games and toys for the children she is working with in an orphanage in Kathmandu. And cards, birthday cards from me and my husband, “I miss you cards” and little love notes. “What’s in the box?” she asked again. “My heart”, I blurted out. The clerk, the harried, busy, overworked, clerk, stopped and peered at me over her glasses. “Is she your only one” she asked, I replied” Well, I have two step- kids as well”. She looked at me squarely. “So she’s your heart.”

This woman behind the counter, this stranger proceeded to tell me how she was an only child, an only daughter and when her mother was sick and dying she stopped everything to care for her round the clock. “I didn’t care about anything else, “she said, “the job, my routine, my life, nothing mattered but being able to care for my mother”. In awe, I replied, “She was so blessed to have you.” She smiled, “I was blessed to have her.”

She took my box then and taped and re-taped the seams, she covered the address so it wouldn’t smear, she marveled at the faraway journey my daughter was on. I asked her, “What are the chances this package will make it to her?” having been made doubtful by my on- line investigation of the Nepalese mail system. “I’d say 85%”, she offered, “but we are going to have faith and believe it will make it”.

So, there is a package out there moving toward a faraway place, held aloft by the USPS, the hands of strangers, airplanes, delivery trucks, and magic and faith. Kind of how we walk through life, how we send our kids out there into the universe. Just like that package, we tape it carefully, insure it fully, track its journey online as far as we can, and then pray. Pray that the box doesn’t break, doesn’t get lost or into the wrong hands. That it makes it to where it is heading, helped along by unlikely angels, who are all around us, even disguised as postal workers at the local post office.

A One Minute Practice…

For this morning’s practice I pretended the situation I can’t get out of my mind and is causing me stress, happened for a good reason.
Again, it’s only for one minute.
Perhaps there’s a lesson I’m to learn.

The practice… is to find it.
Think about what positives can come from it.
I knew when I hit on it, for it gave me a bit of relief, actually even felt good.
Try it if you’re stressing about something. It will help raise your vibration and give you some momentum towards feeling better and accomplishing more.

It certainly helped me this morning.

In Appreciation,
Michael

Much to be Thankful for…

I hope you have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

As I think back one year, to last Thanksgiving, I am thrilled with how much I have to be thankful for. While the health and happiness of loved ones and friends certainly tops the list, equally as important is my belief that I have truly taken control of my own life, my own experience.

Is it really as easy as one minute per day? For me it has been, for since putting it out there, and actually practicing what I preach, I look back at what has been a very exciting year for me.
It began with my car breaking down last Thanksgiving morning and asking my wingman (who happens to be myself), what I should do?
I shot back, “Practice what you preach, find the positive.”

What are you working on?

That day, I started working on me.
By being consistent and practicing for 1 minute each morning, doing something fun which helped me feel just a little bit better, my energy started to become more positive.

There were days I didn’t practice, although as I built up some consistency it got easier, the down times less frequent. Once I learned how much it helped, how much better I felt and how much more productive I was when feeling better, I embraced it.

I began looking forward to my one minute practices.

Could I really improve my situation that easily?
Would I really be able to feel better, have more enthusiasm and be more helpful just by doing one of my practices for one minute?

I’m happy to report I’ve been able to. And not just me,  Others I’ve been honored to have assisted, who’ve allowed me to do what I love, which is be a Wingman to them, have reported the same findings.

Simply by practicing for one minute each day, they’ve created more success in their lives.

If you would like to receive the one minute practice I’ll be working on each morning, please send me an email, or click here to follow on Facebook, http://www.facebook.com/BeYourOwnWingman#. 

Of course, please try the practice for one minute. If it resonates for you, you’ll be well on your way to better peace of mind, improved clarity and a greater sense of thankfulness at next year’s Thanksgiving.

Hoping you find much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving,
Your Wingman, Michael

“May I clean your windshield”?

This past Friday, I stopped to fill my car up with gasoline and had the opportunity to be served by a young man who clearly makes it a practice of “Going the Extra Mile”.

Not only did he do his job of filling my gas tank, but he did it promptly, with courtesy and a smile. In today’s society, that in and of itself, would be considered going the extra mile. When he asked if he could clean my windshield, I was so surprised, I did not answer him immediately. When I finally said yes, he did so with a cheerfulness that had my wife and I discussing long after we got on the road.

It got me thinking of how often in my life I haven’t gone the extra mile, and how I felt those times I did. Talk about us all being connected. Not only did the person I was serving feel they were being well taken care of, but equally as important was how I felt about myself at those times. I never felt taken advantage of, quite the contrary, I always felt pleased with myself, satisfied and full of pride.

Interestingly, on Saturday, having returned home from an all day conference, I naturally asked my wife about her day. “I had a really great day” she smiled. “You know how we discussed going the extra mile? I got to do it today”. She was beaming and I couldn’t wait to hear more. She described being at the drive up window at the bank when an elderly man pulled into the parking lot, got out of his car and proceeded to ask people how to get to a particular address in our town. No one, including my wife knew where it was. “He looked so forlorn” my wife said, “and I realized I have a GPS and could look it up. As I started telling him how to get there I could tell he was confused. So I offered to drive there and he could follow me”. My wife’s grin was now spreading wide across her face. “He was so appreciative. It made me feel so great.”

And so, by driving a couple miles out of her way, my wife turned an ordinary Saturday into an exceptional feeling. It is an attitude worth developing.

Napoleon Hill said it best with his Extra Mile Formula.

“Render more and better service than you are paid for, and sooner or later you will receive compound interest from your investment. It is inevitable that every seed of useful service you sow will sprout and reward you with an abundant harvest.

Going the extra mile is not the sort of principle that can be put into practice in a few easy steps. Instead it is a state of mind that you must develop, so that it is a part of everything you do. There is a subtle, but powerful, mental attitude connected with it. Remember, your best recommendation is the one you give yourself by rendering superior service in the right mental attitude.

My new practice is easily defined. At least once each day I am going to look for an opportunity to be of service to someone, to do so with a smile on my face and in my heart. I can’t imagine a better technique on my path to being my own wingman.

Therefore, I’m honored to offer my wingman of the week award to Jimmy, the gas station attendant who reminded me of a forgotten, but surefire method for staying upbeat, and keeping a positive and confident outlook as we go about our day.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,
Michael

A Buddhist Monk

So the other day my wife and I were doing some cleaning up in our garden, removing some bushes and cutting down some small trees. I actually like working in the garden, although you might not have known it from the amount of complaining I was doing.
Especially when I had to cut the wood and carry it to the front of the house.
It was at that moment my wife calmly reminded me (laughingly I may add) of the Zen proverb,

"Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water, after enlightenment, chop wood carry water".

I'm not sure how far along the path of enlightenment I am, but I do know, once again, my wife knew how to get me back on track. And so, it came to be, after a long afternoon of work, there along the curb sat the fruits of our labor, piles of not so neatly stacked wood, tree branches, weeds and bushes. I must say I was feeling pretty good about a job well done.

A couple hours and a shower later we were heading out for an evening with friends. Imagine my surprise, at the exact moment we were leaving, a van pulled up to the front of our house and out stepped two Buddhist monks. Just to remind you, we live in Haddonfield, NJ, not Burma or Nepal.

Was this a sign? Was the universe showing me a new path?
I certainly took it as one.

As they silently asked if it was ok for them to take the wood, I (not so silently) asked if I may call upon them to learn more of their practices.
Brother Michio granted my request and gave me his phone number.
I called, and yesterday went to his home and enjoyed 3 hours speaking dharma and truth, religion and spirituality, of the natural laws of the universe and of how we each create our own life. We sat legs folded (ok, I admit, he sat legs folded, I was unable to after 10 minutes) and talked about having desires and being desireless, of things that are good and of things that are bad. He showed me his garden, from which he eats most of his meals, and explained much about how our egos can so often control us. The more we spoke, the more I realized how much further I have on my path to enlightenment. He seemed to enjoy my one minute practices and my Be Your Own Wingman philosophy. Each time I asked how, or what I could do to further my understanding, he would smile and say, “one minute at a time”.

And so, once again my path was affirmed. For my one minute practices that I’ve been sharing with you, are, just as Brother Michio said, one minute steps towards more peace, more contentment, more understanding, and in his words, more realization.

Isn’t it amazing what an afternoon of gardening can bring about? (Although please don’t tell my wife).

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,

Michael

I love how everything always works out for me.

I love when I come up with a new practice that sticks.
The other day, I saw the movie, “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” and there’s a scene where Dev Patel says,
“Here we have a saying, everything will be all right in the end, so if it is not all right, it is not the end”.

It got me thinking, which led me to my new, one minute practice.

“I love when everything works out for me.”
I started saying that on Monday and it felt great. So I continued each morning this week.

Take one minute and say to yourself,
“Everything always seems to work out for me.”

I recorded myself this morning and this is what I said.

“It’s so cool how everything always works out for me.
Oh Wow! This will be so interesting to see how this (situation) will work out for me.
It doesn’t seem possible but I know this will work out for me because everything always works out for me.
I am so lucky that everything always works out for me.
I don’t know how this will work out for me, but I know it will, and I can’t wait to find out how. It will really be interesting.
What an interesting and fascinating day this will be, I am so excited for it.
It is so awesome how everything always works out for me.

What a great feeling it is to know this will work out.
How do I know? Because everything always works out for me!
There have been so many times that things did not seem to be going my way, but yet they always work out.
It’s been so cool to see how the universe unfolds, and to see how things end up working out for me.

It is so exciting to look back and see how things ended up working out so well.
I’m having so much fun.
And to think I used to worry whether things would work out.
It’s so funny to look back and see how they worked out, for they always do.

OMG, I can’t believe how everything worked out.
I’m so fortunate that everything always works out for me.
It’s really interesting when things seem to not be working out and how it challenges me.
When I think about how things always work out for me I feel GREAT!
So often, I’m in a situation where it doesn’t seem possible that it could work out to my liking, yet it always does. I’m really lucky in that respect.
Things do seem to always work out for me.

Sometimes it seems so impossible, that my logical mind can’t even imagine.
Those are the times I just sit back and let the universe work it out for me. It always does.
When I just relax and let the universe handle it, things always work out for me.

What an amazing feeling.

I love practicing this feeling, and I love when I can let the How’s and the Why’s go and just allow things to work out.
It is so amazing and so much fun, when I can just let it go. When those “issues” work out, those are the times I really enjoy and appreciate life.
I don’t know how it always happens, but everything always works out for me.”

Please try it, and hopefully it will work as well for you.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,

Michael

My New Favorite Practice

Back in February I wrote about being introduced to the practice of saying thank you. I’m happy to say this practice has become one of my favorites, meaning I practice it often.

I have found the more I say thank you, the more I find to say thank you about. Try it, it’s easy, I put the timer on my phone for one minute (sometimes more) and start saying thank you as if I’m standing at the Academy awards, just saying thank you to a mass of strangers without any real reason.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you. “

I then start thinking of reasons I have to be thankful.

Thank you for reading this.

Thank you for helping me create a synergy amongst all of us.

Thank you for helping me help people bring positive energy into their lives.

Thank you for helping me to practice what I preach.

Thank you for helping me help myself. I appreciate it greatly.

Thank you for finding love in all the right places.

Thank you for the air that I breathe.

Thank you for the walk through the woods I take every morning.

Thank you for the clothes that I wear.

Thank you for the sun that shines down on me.

Thank you for the rain that helps nurture my world.

Thank you for the car that I drive.

Thank you for my job.

Thank you for the opportunity to earn money.

Thank you for my being me.

Give yourself a hug and thank yourself for who you are and where you are right now.

Thank you for this exciting adventure I’m on.

Thank you for reminding me of the divine being I am.

Thank you for helping me remember I’m in charge of my life.

Thank you for my ability to reason and understand.

Thank you for the brain in my head.

Thank you for the energy that is all around me.

Thank you for helping me attract positive energy.

Thank you for my thought process that I now know I can change in 60 seconds by consciously practicing finding the positive.

Thank you for the mystery that is me.

Thank you for my family.

Thank you for my friends.

Thank you for my understanding that I can create anything I want, just by thinking of it.

Thank you for allowing me to be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,

Michael

The Reality of the Situation

“You’re not seeing the reality of the situation”, I was told the other day as I was intentionally focusing on finding the positives.
“But it’s not real.” As if I didn’t hear him the first time…

Whether on radio, or at workshops or meetings, I have been very vocal about my practice of consciously focusing on seeing positives.  I find the more I practice, the more “unconsciously efficient” I become at seeing positives.
The power of small simple practices can not be over estimated and I’m surprised at how easy and natural it has become.

I’m also well aware of how much more practice is needed.
And so I continue.

One such practice on which I’m currently working, is on shifting my perception.
I have found so much of my “reality”, is totally based on my perception of my reality.
And I’ve learned how my “perception” can so often be easily shifted.
One example is when I did a 10 day fruit and vegetable fast. My perception of eating changed drastically to where I no longer cared about food, only nutrition.
In only 10 days.

Have you ever had a situation where you were 100% certain, and, in the next moment, your “reality” was the exact opposite. Understanding that my perception can so easily shift, I decided it would be wise to consciously practice choosing the direction I want to move my perception.

A trusted wingman recently sent me an article from NPR news about a study discussing, for lack of a better term, the power of positive perception.

Jessica Witt, a psychologist at Purdue University who researches how perception and performance are related, decided to look at the game of golf. She found how the appearance of the hole changes depending on whether you are playing well or poorly and decided to see if one could improve their golf score, simply by altering their perception.

In her lab, she made an artificial putting green and used an optical illusion to make the hole appear larger or smaller than it really was. This optical trick (see below) is called the Ebbinghaus illusion and you can see how it appears to change the size of the center hole. She found when people perceived the hole to be larger, they were more successful at making their putts.

This study fascinates me. If shifting one’s perception is all that is needed to improve one’s golf score, then doesn’t it follow that by varying my perception, I too can achieve better results in my professional and/or personal life? I believe it clearly demonstrates that my outcome can be improved by changing my perception.

Have a sales call today?
See your prospect as wanting to do business with you.
Have a mountain of paperwork to get through?
Try perceiving it as a smaller pile.
Meeting with your boss, or your employee?
Look at it through their eyes for one minute.

Whatever your challenge, try altering your perception, even for just one minute.
You too, will be amazed at the results, and how easy it is for your momentum to swing, your confidence to increase, and your “reality” to improve.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation
Michael

"No S#*t Sherlock"...

I would like to thank those of you who replied to my last blog/email entitled,
"When I enjoy playing, I play better".

The above comment, “No S#*t Sherlock” was from a loved one and family member, and demonstrates how simple this really is.
Here is my answer.

My Dear Mr. Watson,

You are so correct.
Amazing, isn't it? How simple life really is?
And how, intellectually speaking, we all know it so well.

That's what makes it so puzzling.
How we all know it, yet, very few of us actually live it.
How we can all speak it, but we don't act it.
How, instead of being thankful for what we have, we focus on what we don't.
How simple it really is, and how difficult we make it.

I am thrilled by your "No S#*t Sherlock" comment
and the fact that you grasp this so easily.
Again, most people recognize and agree with the logic of it.

The difficulty seems to be the consistency, which I know I have struggled with. That is why I have developed so many different practices and make sure to do at least one each day.
For while I enjoy discussing it academically, I have found I'm at my best when I actually practice living it.

Therefore...

I now consciously practice looking for positives in whatever situation I'm in.
I now consciously practice thinking better feeling thoughts.
I now consciously practice seeing myself as I want to be seen.
I now consciously practice saying thank you for what I have and for the lessons I have learned.

I hope these practices help you as much as they've helped me.
Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,
Michael

When I enjoy playing, I play better.

When I enjoy playing, I play better.
When I enjoy working, I work better.
When I enjoy exercising, I exercise better.
When I enjoy learning, I learn better.

Do you find this to be true?
When you enjoy what you’re doing, do you find you do it better?
I know I do.

When I enjoy selling, I sell better.
When I enjoy teaching, I teach better.
When I enjoy writing, I write better.

The question I ask myself then, is how?  How does one “enjoy” the doing, when there are goals to be achieved, sales quotas to be met and deadlines to be adhered to.

What works for me are my practices that help keep me in a positive frame of mind.
One such practice is simply named “Finding the Positive” and I actually practice finding something good about the circumstances, something I can be thankful for.
Once I uncover one positive, more seem to follow.
Perhaps these practices will work for you as well.

Btw… When I enjoy practicing, I practice better.

How about those times it seems more difficult to “enjoy” …
For instance, the salesman who is worried and focused about meeting his quota is not “enjoying” selling. How does he change his focus so he now “enjoys” the sales process?

By finding the positive.
By shifting his focus to those parts of the job he really enjoys.
Perhaps it’s his belief in his product or service?
Perhaps it’s the people he works with or the freedom his job affords him?
Perhaps it’s the challenge of helping others?
Or perhaps it’s his paycheck?

Whatever it is, when he enjoys his work, he works better.
How about you?

What do you do?
When you enjoy _________ing, you’ll _________ better.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Keep Your Discipline Rolling

On this 10^th and final day of our 10 day challenge, I thank each of you for reading this and holding me to some measure of accountability. Today’s practice is perfect for the last day of a challenge like this. “Keep Your Discipline Rolling”.

We all know how easy it is to stop your routine, how it often becomes either mentally tiring or just physically boring, be it going to the gym, eating a certain way, practicing seeing positives, quieting your mind, or whatever it is you do.

Keeping your discipline rolling doesn’t mean you don’t take a vacation day or even a week. It does mean when you realize you haven’t been physically exercising or you just had a great cheese steak (with fries and a milkshake), you get back on your game.  You pick up the ball and start practicing immediately, i.e. get back on your eating plan, go to the gym, or practice seeing positives and quieting your mind.

It’s really quite simple, but for some reason we make it far more difficult.
Just start anew. Broke your diet? Start back on it. Haven’t exercised, put on your walking shoes and go for a walk. 
Nike may have said it best with their ad slogan, “Just Do It”.

This 10 day challenge has helped me tremendously. While I will take a short break from writing this blog, it has shown me that I can write everyday.
And knowing that feels really good to me.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

The Continuum

I’m starting to notice the more I am able to allow, the better chance of my desired outcome actually happening. I have struggled with this concept and therefore have developed a few practices to help me be more proficient at it.

The continuum is one such practice and one I will be practicing today.
It works like this…

1) I have a desire. I want something to happen.
2) I acknowledge I want this desired outcome.
3) Here’s the tricky part, I try to become aware of where I am on the continuum of wanting vs. allowing. Am I wanting it so badly that I’m actually resisting it, almost forcing any other outcome than that which I desire? Or am I able to sit with my desire, and just allow it to happen.

Do you know the feeling I’m speaking of? One example might be when you want your child to listen to you so badly that you don’t stop talking long enough to hear what they have to say.

As I said, I have struggled with this. For to get to the point of allowing I must first have a desire. I have noticed when I am able to allow my requests to come about, they seem to materialize much easier than when I can’t get past the wanting.

I realized for me, the wording is important. When I notice I am too close to wanting on my continuum, and not close enough to allowing, I INVITE my aspiration to transpire and leave it at that.

Let me give you a current example Three months ago on Talk-N-Angels Radio Show, I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Bernie Siegel, the brilliant author of, “Love, Medicine and Miracles” as well as his new book, “A Book of Miracles”. It turns out he lives in Woodbridge, Ct. and I will be driving up there next month to visit family. I would like to have lunch with him so I sent him an email, inviting him to have lunch with me. In inviting him, I have put my desire out there. To do anything more (a phone call or second email) would more likely damage my chances for my desired outcome. I have put it out there by inviting him. I now must just allow it to take place.

Today, I will practice moving closer to allowing.
You should give it a try as well.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

An Old Poker Saying…

“The next best thing to playing and winning, is playing and losing”

I can assure you at the moment I’m leaving a poker room, if I’m leaving with less money then I arrived with, I’m not thinking this quote is entirely accurate. If I’ve lost money at the tables that day, I’m more likely to be disappointed, hurt, irritated, pissed, frustrated, angry, etc. The emotions I’m feeling fall squarely on the side of negative. It is at those times I utilize some of my practices to help me get back into a better, more positive mood.

However, as I’ve often said, “For me, a poker room is like a classroom of life”.
And so if I transcribe this saying to…

“Life, the next best thing to playing and winning, is playing and losing”

I begin to understand it better.
I start to realize life is not about winning or losing, it’s about PLAYING.

And so for today’s practice I would like you to join me in playing something, play a game, play an instrument, play with a friend or better, play at work. I’m not saying to regard your work as frivolous; when I say “play at work” I mean enjoy your work today. Enjoy what you have chosen to do to earn a living just for today.

Today, I’m going to practice playing the game of my life by practicing finding joy in each situation I encounter.

I hope you enjoy today, and thanks for letting me be your wingman.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Don't buck your own trend.

Today I want to make sure I’m aware of which way my momentum is trending.
I want to make sure I’m feeling that feeling I get in my gut.
Women often call it “intuition”.
Being a guy, I call it my gut instinct.
And if there is one thing I’m certain of, it’s that over the years, when I’ve felt, trusted and acted upon my gut instinct, it’s done well by me.

So today’s practice is to make certain I’m in touch with my gut.
Not to change that feeling, only to practice feeling it.
Yesterday’s practice was a way to change a bad feeling.
Today’s practice is just to feel it. And to sit with that feeling.

Why? Because I’ve learned it’s very difficult to buck my own trend.

So it pays to know which way I’m trending.
Are things going my way or do I feel like I’m running uphill?
Are things feeling “easy”, or is everything a struggle?

Today is all about feeling. Not acting, just feeling.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Cancel, Cancel, Delete, Delete.

It’s not about you, not exactly. It’s about your energy. It’s about your vibration. Is the inertia of your energy moving in the direction you want, or is it moving in a direction you do not want?

Because somehow, if it’s not going how you like, you’ve got to stop it. And according to the laws of inertia, an object will continue moving at its current velocity until some force causes its speed or direction to change.

Therefore, the negative thoughts running through my mind have a certain momentum and will continue to dominate my psyche unless I apply a force strong enough to change that.

What I practiced this morning is how I now change my “vibe”. I heard a friend say this in the midst of a conversation, maybe you’ve heard it as well.

“Cancel, Cancel, Delete, Delete”.

While this seems similar to my Hocus, Pocus, Change Your Focus practice I’ve mentioned previously, “Cancel, Cancel, Delete, Delete” has helped me more as of late. The few times I’ve tried this practice, it has worked efficiently. Perhaps because when I say it, I end up laughing that I’m actually saying it and immediately, I’ve forgotten the negative thoughts that were running through my mind.

Cancel, Cancel, Delete, Delete! Boom! Done! And I’m onto something new.
Give it a try today when you want to change the inertia of your energy.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Julie Andrews

Have you ever gone to bed irritated, either at someone, some thing or, even worse, yourself? Then, lo and behold, when you wake up, you find yourself still in an irritated mood. Well that's where I found myself this morning and I know from my past, oftentimes when a day begins like this, it continues like this.

I realized immediately I needed to do something to get me in a better mood.

What I decided to do was a practice I call "Julie Andrews" because of her wonderful song “A Few of My Favorite Things” in the movie, The Sound of Music.
It's an easy exercise and one you can even do while driving to work.
Just start thinking of better feeling thoughts.

I thought about...
That I had a really nice date with my wife on Saturday ( we went to grounds for sculpture, highly recommended).
A movie I saw and really liked (The Way, by Emilio Estevez, starring his Dad, Martin Sheen).
How much fun I'm having doing the Talk-n-Angels radio show.
How I had a nice time earlier this week playing poker.
How business seems to be going well.
Of having lunch with my son yesterday.
How much i enjoy taking walks with my dog.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Any thought that makes me feel a little bit better is a thought worth thinking.

Now, if things are not going so well in your life then it may be best to expand your thought process as Julie did when singing her song. She sung of more general types of things, such as raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Again, any thought that makes you feel better, is a thought worth thinking.

The longer I went on, the better I started feeling.
And pretty soon, I was in a pretty good mood.
This is a practice I have done a few times before and it always seems to work.
Try it for yourself and see if it can help you turn your mood around.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Harry Potter’s Mirror

Today’s practice comes from the fantastic books and movies by JK Rowling about a young wizard named Harry Potter. In one of the earlier books, we are introduced to a mirror of Erised on which is inscribed, “I show not your face, but your heart’s desire”.

This morning, I decided to have a look in my “mirror” and think about what I truly wish for, what I would like to bring into my life over the next week, month, year, decade and/or rest of my life. One thing I have learned since starting Be Your Own Wingman is I can bring whatever I want into my life by just thinking about it, for those thoughts will bring about inspired action and as I put my desires out into the universe, the universe will respond in kind. As I sat this morning and allowed my imagination to run wild, my requests started to grow, and then to my surprise, started to shrink. I realized there are just a few things I truly want to bring into my life. And as I thought of those desires I began to feel as if they were already in my life. It was a truly wonderful feeling, one which I will continue to practice. For by the Law of Attraction, the more time I can spend thinking about and feeling those things which I want to bring into my life, the easier it will be to bring them into my life.

Give it a try. Take a look into your mirror of desire and see what develops. You may be surprised.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Thank You!

I was taking a walk with my wife this morning when we met up with a friend who mentioned an email she had received from Rhonda Byrne, author of The Secret.

She said, “To improve any day immediately, say and feel "Thank you" seven times in a row.”

It seemed like a weird practice because I have only practiced saying thank you for specific things, not just to say it. However, seeing as I love to hear about and try any new practices that may help myself or others to elevate our moods, my wife and I decided to try it immediately, although with one small change. Instead of saying and feeling it seven times in a row, we decided to try it for a full 2 minutes.

When the timer on my phone went off, we looked at each other and were both smiling. Needless to say we thought it was a great success and therefore it became today’s practice.

See how it works for you.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

I Choose to, or, I Choose not to.

For those of you tuning in late, today is day 2 of my ten day challenge of conscious consecutive practice and today I am practicing being careful with the words I use. I believe many of us self sabotage without realizing it by using words that take our control away from us. Words that have become habitual make us victims instead of empowering us. As a friend once said, “we often don’t understand the power of small words used over and over”.

The words I am targeting today are “I have to” and “I can’t”. How many times a day have you said, “I have to go to work” or “I have to go somewhere”? How many times a day have you said, “I can’t eat this” or I can’t do that”? I’ve probably said those words a thousand times over my lifetime and I realize they just aren’t true. These words have become embedded deeply in my mind and it is a routine I must consciously break.

I don’t have to go to work and I can eat whatever I choose to. Clearly I understand there are consequences to my actions, such as I may get fired if I miss work, or gain weight if I eat a whole pizza, but the truth still remains, they are my choice. Staying mindful of that fact is the point of this exercise.

Therefore, today I will be vigilant with the words I choose. Anytime I say “I have to” or “I can’t” I will immediately correct myself and say “I choose to” or “I choose not to”. It’s as simple as that.

Saying “I choose to”, or “I choose not to”, puts me in control of my life, and that’s exactly where I choose to be.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Ten Days of Consecutive Conscious Practice

As mentioned in my last blog (see below) today I'm beginning my 10 day challenge of conscious consecutive practice. Seeing as it is the beginning, I think I should set some ground rules. I am going to list 1 or 2 practices each day that I will be doing. If I list 2, one of them will be a 2 minute thought process I do each morning; the other will be something I will focus on during that day.

My plan is to get so consistent with my practices that they become second nature to me. I appreciate you joining me in this endeavor and hope it helps you as much as it helps me. Of course I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks so much.

Day 1. Lucky Man and Be Decisive.

Lucky Man. I was listening to the radio last night and the song Lucky Man by Emerson, Lake and Palmer came on. It got me thinking about a new way to practice. So this morning I decided to start my 10 days of practice by taking 2 minutes, and thinking and saying anything I feel lucky for. Be it people in my life, material objects, or things i have accomplished, I went on a two minute rampage of things I feel lucky about. I did it this morning and find it helps put me in a better frame of mind as I go about my day. Hopefully it will work as well for you.

Be Decisive. A friend had mentioned she was stressing about her lack of decision making so I thought this was a great one to start with. Over the years I have found it to be far more important that I make a decision, and line up with that decision, not which decision I make. Too many times I have second guessed my decision, or worse, not made a choice and the decision was made for me. Therefore, today I will practice being decisive. For today, I will not worry about which option I select, only that I select one. Be it small, such as what I will have for breakfast, or a more important decision, today I am going to decide quickly by which feels best to me at the time and I will not second guess it. I will make it, own it, and embrace it.

Today, I will practice being decisive and I will be decisive.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,

Michael

10 days of Consecutive Conscious Practice

Between my catching the flu and my computer breaking down, my 10 day challenge had to be postponed and will now begin on Monday. Have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to you joining me then.
Thanks,
Michael

Yet Again, Another Opportunity to Practice.

Have you ever noticed how “your” issues seem to pop up in so many random places that you start to realize, maybe they’re not so random.  Like you move half way around the world, and, isn’t that interesting, there’s “your” issue once again.

My Happy Hour, Be Your Own Wingman style, was a really fun, positive night.  Thanks to all who attended.  Your emails and follow up conversations have felt so warm and wonderful, I greatly appreciate them.

However, from that night, my “issue” has reemerged and I haven’t written a blog or chapter since.  So why no follow up?  I’ve noticed, for what seems like the thousandth time in my life, that after a successful endeavor, I don’t follow through, I basically “drop the ball” and don’t take advantage of the momentum I have created.  I just don’t finish, be it in my professional or personal life. 

Do you have that issue as well?  When you have a successful event or experience, one that should be followed up on, be it in business or life, does fear, perfectionism, inertia or laziness get in your way and you… do nothing.  You let the opportunity pass and tell yourself its ok.    It’s like you resist… everything.  And once that gets in your head, like many things, I guess that’s how it becomes your issue. 

Well, if there is one thing I’ve learned since beginning BeYourOwnWingman.com is that I can do, be or have anything I put my mind to.  I just have to think about what I want and begin to practice.  

So today, I change.  No more will this be “my issue”. 

Today I become a consistent finisher.  I have decided to put two of my practices together to accomplish that.  The 2 practices are:

1)      Progress not Perfection, and

2)      Keep your discipline rolling.

Has this ever happened to you?  Where you wanted to follow up something, be it a

phone call, conversation, exercise plan, diet, project, etc. and you procrastinated until the moment has passed? 

Be it business or more private, have you ever had “paralysis by analysis”?

Then perhaps you will want to join me in my latest challenge, one that will require us to “keep our discipline rolling, stay consistent, and finish what we start”.  My thinking is to do something that requires a bit of discipline, although keep it achievable, and put it out there so there is some accountability.

This is what I’ve come up with.

Starting Friday, I will write at least a paragraph on whatever practice I did that morning, and will do so for the next 10 days. 

I ask that you join me and do a practice of your own choosing, or the one I’ve chosen, daily for the next 10 days. It will only take about 2 minutes each day and having you join me via email will help create a great deal of synergy for all of us. 

You can also just read it on my blog as well, www.beyourownwingman.com, but, if you would like to commit to consciously doing a practice each and every day for the next 10 days, email me back and I will email you the exercise I did that particular morning.

It may not be perfect, but it will certainly be progress and the practice will help us attract more positive energy and better outcomes to our lives.  The funny thing is, as I write this I realize the perfection is actually in the progress.  Just keep moving forward, yeah, that’s it, progress, not perfection.  We can do this.

I look forward to joining me, and to your comments.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,

Michael

An ANT Invasion!

Have you ever seen one ant in your house and then, all of a sudden, there are hundreds of them.

I was just reading Dr. Daniel Amen’s book, “Magnificent Mind At Any Age”, and he spoke of Automatic Negative Thoughts, thoughts that come into your mind unconsciously and send you into a tailspin.  He calls them ANTs.

And much like those pesky insects, when you have one ANT (Automatic Negative Thought) many seem to follow.  Why?

He explains that your physiology actually changes every time you have a thought. 

His brain imaging studies have demonstrated that your brain releases a certain set of chemicals each and every time you have a thought.

Positive thoughts produce chemicals that make you feel good.

Negative thoughts discharge chemicals that make you feel bad. 

One of his studies showed harmful thoughts actually deactivated both a woman’s cerebellum, the back bottom part of the brain that plays an important role in your physical coordination as well as her left temporal lobe, which when disengaged makes you more likely to get irritated.

Talk about how your thoughts create your entire reality.

He mentions 9 different Automatic Negative Thoughts, they are…

1)  Always or never thinking:  Overgeneralizing a situation.  These thoughts usually begin with words like, always, never, everyone or every time.

2)  Focusing on the negative: Preoccupying your attention on what is going wrong in a situation and ignoring everything that could be construed as positive.

3)  Fortune-telling:  Predicting the outcome of an experience or situation as the worst possible and as impossible to overcome.

4)  Mind Reading:  Arbitrarily believing you know what another person thinks, even though they have not told you.

5)  Thinking with Your Feelings:  Believing your negative feelings without ever questioning them.

6)  Guilt Beatings:  Thinking with words like should, must, ought, or have to that produce feelings of guilt.

7)  Labeling:  Attaching a negative label to yourself or others.

8)  Personalization:  Allowing innocuous thoughts to take on a personal meaning.

9)  Blame:  Blaming others for the problems in your life.

So what can we do?  We have one negative thought and all of a sudden there’s an entire army of negative thoughts traipsing through our mind.

As many of you know, on my path to being my own Wingman, I’ve become passionate about finding strategies to wipe those negative thoughts out and turn them around. 

Thankfully, Dr. Amen gives them as well.  He credits Byron Katie with developing a technique to help us question our negative thoughts and actually turn them around.

Katie calls it “The Work” and says we must question our negative thoughts and then turn them around.  She offers these four questions:

1)  Is it true?
      Say you are in a disagreement with your child or your parent and you feel he/she’s         not listening to you. The thought may get exaggerated to… He never listens to me!

      Well, it certainly feels true at that moment!

2)  Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

      Well, not exactly. 

      It’s certainly not entirely true; he listens to me sometimes, just not this time.

3)  How do I react when I believe that thought?

      I get defensive, irritable and “pissy” towards him. 

      I’ll start saying stuff I don’t believe just to make a point. 
      I become someone I don’t even like.

4)  Who would I be without the thought?

     Or how would I feel if I didn’t have the thought?

      I feel like I’d be my normal positive thinking self, the me I love when I’m 

      appreciating things, when I’m seeing solutions instead of problems, when I’m 

      seeing what’s going right in the situation and building from there.

The turnarounds…

·         My son always listens to me.  Hmmm. Not sure that’s exactly true.

·         I never listen to my son.  Ohhhh noooo, I don’t think I want to go there.

·         It’s great my son and I get together and talk, even though at times we  

          may disagree and get upset with each other.  This one I like!

Questioning my negative thoughts and turning them around is certainly one way to practice seeing who I am, and more importantly, who I want to be.

Being as we are human, ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts will always have potential to run amuck through our minds.  It’s best to have a plan, an ANTeater, so to speak.

Best of luck with your practice.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,

Michael

Welcoming a New Year.

I always love the beginning of a new year. A fresh start. A clean slate. 
A time to think about how I want the next period of my life to unfold. 
And if I’ve learned anything since launching BeYourOwnWingman.com, it’s that it pays to think about what you want to bring into your life. 
You want a better paying job, a healthier body, a more loving relationship…
it all starts with your thoughts.


I know you’ve heard this before but I can’t emphasize it enough. 
Positive thoughts bring positive results. 
Find something to be happy about so you can get some momentum going in your favor.  Yes, it really is that simple.

The problem is, if you’re anything like me, sometimes you get distracted. 
Your mind wonders into the darker places of your past and inertia keeps you there. 
And your new year ends up being a lot like your old year.

I can help you change that.  I can help you start bringing more positives into your life, and at the same time you can help me do the same.  Because when we do things together we create a better synergy.

But it will take some practice.  The good news is I’m really good at coming up with fun practices to help myself and others.  Like years ago when I coached my daughter’s soccer team and had them playing kickball without using their hands. The girls were having so much fun they didn’t even realize how much they were improving their footwork.

If you can stick with me, if you can keep your discipline rolling, if you can have a little consistency and join me in my practices, I believe together, we will bring more positive energy into our lives and those around us.  It’s been working for me really well, and I look forward to it continuing.

So let’s begin today. 

Please join me (spiritually only, as I will be hanging in sweats all day) for what has become one of my favorite days…Vision Board Day, the day in which I begin to deliberately think about what I want this new chapter in my life to look like, and therefore become.
 
Why? 
Because a vision board is a tool (I use a poster board) to help clarify and maintain focus for what you want to have happen in your life this year. The idea behind it is to identify your vision, give it clarity and keep your attention on your intentions throughout the year.

I’ve done a vision board the past two years and, looking back at both posters, I’m amazed at the results. I see pictures of my desires and count how many have come true. This is one practice I now look forward to doing every year. 

Here’s how we do it in my house.  It’s like Arts and Crafts, Wingman style.

1) We consciously envision our desires and cut out pictures and text from magazines that represent them.  They can be as concrete as a picture of your favorite car or as intangible as a better, more loving relationship. 
2) We now attach them to poster board in any way we choose. Some people may have 2 or 3 pictures, some may just use one or two words, others may fill the poster completely.  This is your vision board. Do it how you like.
3) Post or place your vision board where you will see it every day.
4) Relax and let it unfold.

Now that’s what I call a great start to the New Year.

Thanks for allowing me to be your Wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael