Thank You!

I was taking a walk with my wife this morning when we met up with a friend who mentioned an email she had received from Rhonda Byrne, author of The Secret.

She said, “To improve any day immediately, say and feel "Thank you" seven times in a row.”

It seemed like a weird practice because I have only practiced saying thank you for specific things, not just to say it. However, seeing as I love to hear about and try any new practices that may help myself or others to elevate our moods, my wife and I decided to try it immediately, although with one small change. Instead of saying and feeling it seven times in a row, we decided to try it for a full 2 minutes.

When the timer on my phone went off, we looked at each other and were both smiling. Needless to say we thought it was a great success and therefore it became today’s practice.

See how it works for you.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

I Choose to, or, I Choose not to.

For those of you tuning in late, today is day 2 of my ten day challenge of conscious consecutive practice and today I am practicing being careful with the words I use. I believe many of us self sabotage without realizing it by using words that take our control away from us. Words that have become habitual make us victims instead of empowering us. As a friend once said, “we often don’t understand the power of small words used over and over”.

The words I am targeting today are “I have to” and “I can’t”. How many times a day have you said, “I have to go to work” or “I have to go somewhere”? How many times a day have you said, “I can’t eat this” or I can’t do that”? I’ve probably said those words a thousand times over my lifetime and I realize they just aren’t true. These words have become embedded deeply in my mind and it is a routine I must consciously break.

I don’t have to go to work and I can eat whatever I choose to. Clearly I understand there are consequences to my actions, such as I may get fired if I miss work, or gain weight if I eat a whole pizza, but the truth still remains, they are my choice. Staying mindful of that fact is the point of this exercise.

Therefore, today I will be vigilant with the words I choose. Anytime I say “I have to” or “I can’t” I will immediately correct myself and say “I choose to” or “I choose not to”. It’s as simple as that.

Saying “I choose to”, or “I choose not to”, puts me in control of my life, and that’s exactly where I choose to be.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

Ten Days of Consecutive Conscious Practice

As mentioned in my last blog (see below) today I'm beginning my 10 day challenge of conscious consecutive practice. Seeing as it is the beginning, I think I should set some ground rules. I am going to list 1 or 2 practices each day that I will be doing. If I list 2, one of them will be a 2 minute thought process I do each morning; the other will be something I will focus on during that day.

My plan is to get so consistent with my practices that they become second nature to me. I appreciate you joining me in this endeavor and hope it helps you as much as it helps me. Of course I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks so much.

Day 1. Lucky Man and Be Decisive.

Lucky Man. I was listening to the radio last night and the song Lucky Man by Emerson, Lake and Palmer came on. It got me thinking about a new way to practice. So this morning I decided to start my 10 days of practice by taking 2 minutes, and thinking and saying anything I feel lucky for. Be it people in my life, material objects, or things i have accomplished, I went on a two minute rampage of things I feel lucky about. I did it this morning and find it helps put me in a better frame of mind as I go about my day. Hopefully it will work as well for you.

Be Decisive. A friend had mentioned she was stressing about her lack of decision making so I thought this was a great one to start with. Over the years I have found it to be far more important that I make a decision, and line up with that decision, not which decision I make. Too many times I have second guessed my decision, or worse, not made a choice and the decision was made for me. Therefore, today I will practice being decisive. For today, I will not worry about which option I select, only that I select one. Be it small, such as what I will have for breakfast, or a more important decision, today I am going to decide quickly by which feels best to me at the time and I will not second guess it. I will make it, own it, and embrace it.

Today, I will practice being decisive and I will be decisive.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,

Michael

10 days of Consecutive Conscious Practice

Between my catching the flu and my computer breaking down, my 10 day challenge had to be postponed and will now begin on Monday. Have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to you joining me then.
Thanks,
Michael

Yet Again, Another Opportunity to Practice.

Have you ever noticed how “your” issues seem to pop up in so many random places that you start to realize, maybe they’re not so random.  Like you move half way around the world, and, isn’t that interesting, there’s “your” issue once again.

My Happy Hour, Be Your Own Wingman style, was a really fun, positive night.  Thanks to all who attended.  Your emails and follow up conversations have felt so warm and wonderful, I greatly appreciate them.

However, from that night, my “issue” has reemerged and I haven’t written a blog or chapter since.  So why no follow up?  I’ve noticed, for what seems like the thousandth time in my life, that after a successful endeavor, I don’t follow through, I basically “drop the ball” and don’t take advantage of the momentum I have created.  I just don’t finish, be it in my professional or personal life. 

Do you have that issue as well?  When you have a successful event or experience, one that should be followed up on, be it in business or life, does fear, perfectionism, inertia or laziness get in your way and you… do nothing.  You let the opportunity pass and tell yourself its ok.    It’s like you resist… everything.  And once that gets in your head, like many things, I guess that’s how it becomes your issue. 

Well, if there is one thing I’ve learned since beginning BeYourOwnWingman.com is that I can do, be or have anything I put my mind to.  I just have to think about what I want and begin to practice.  

So today, I change.  No more will this be “my issue”. 

Today I become a consistent finisher.  I have decided to put two of my practices together to accomplish that.  The 2 practices are:

1)      Progress not Perfection, and

2)      Keep your discipline rolling.

Has this ever happened to you?  Where you wanted to follow up something, be it a

phone call, conversation, exercise plan, diet, project, etc. and you procrastinated until the moment has passed? 

Be it business or more private, have you ever had “paralysis by analysis”?

Then perhaps you will want to join me in my latest challenge, one that will require us to “keep our discipline rolling, stay consistent, and finish what we start”.  My thinking is to do something that requires a bit of discipline, although keep it achievable, and put it out there so there is some accountability.

This is what I’ve come up with.

Starting Friday, I will write at least a paragraph on whatever practice I did that morning, and will do so for the next 10 days. 

I ask that you join me and do a practice of your own choosing, or the one I’ve chosen, daily for the next 10 days. It will only take about 2 minutes each day and having you join me via email will help create a great deal of synergy for all of us. 

You can also just read it on my blog as well, www.beyourownwingman.com, but, if you would like to commit to consciously doing a practice each and every day for the next 10 days, email me back and I will email you the exercise I did that particular morning.

It may not be perfect, but it will certainly be progress and the practice will help us attract more positive energy and better outcomes to our lives.  The funny thing is, as I write this I realize the perfection is actually in the progress.  Just keep moving forward, yeah, that’s it, progress, not perfection.  We can do this.

I look forward to joining me, and to your comments.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,

Michael

An ANT Invasion!

Have you ever seen one ant in your house and then, all of a sudden, there are hundreds of them.

I was just reading Dr. Daniel Amen’s book, “Magnificent Mind At Any Age”, and he spoke of Automatic Negative Thoughts, thoughts that come into your mind unconsciously and send you into a tailspin.  He calls them ANTs.

And much like those pesky insects, when you have one ANT (Automatic Negative Thought) many seem to follow.  Why?

He explains that your physiology actually changes every time you have a thought. 

His brain imaging studies have demonstrated that your brain releases a certain set of chemicals each and every time you have a thought.

Positive thoughts produce chemicals that make you feel good.

Negative thoughts discharge chemicals that make you feel bad. 

One of his studies showed harmful thoughts actually deactivated both a woman’s cerebellum, the back bottom part of the brain that plays an important role in your physical coordination as well as her left temporal lobe, which when disengaged makes you more likely to get irritated.

Talk about how your thoughts create your entire reality.

He mentions 9 different Automatic Negative Thoughts, they are…

1)  Always or never thinking:  Overgeneralizing a situation.  These thoughts usually begin with words like, always, never, everyone or every time.

2)  Focusing on the negative: Preoccupying your attention on what is going wrong in a situation and ignoring everything that could be construed as positive.

3)  Fortune-telling:  Predicting the outcome of an experience or situation as the worst possible and as impossible to overcome.

4)  Mind Reading:  Arbitrarily believing you know what another person thinks, even though they have not told you.

5)  Thinking with Your Feelings:  Believing your negative feelings without ever questioning them.

6)  Guilt Beatings:  Thinking with words like should, must, ought, or have to that produce feelings of guilt.

7)  Labeling:  Attaching a negative label to yourself or others.

8)  Personalization:  Allowing innocuous thoughts to take on a personal meaning.

9)  Blame:  Blaming others for the problems in your life.

So what can we do?  We have one negative thought and all of a sudden there’s an entire army of negative thoughts traipsing through our mind.

As many of you know, on my path to being my own Wingman, I’ve become passionate about finding strategies to wipe those negative thoughts out and turn them around. 

Thankfully, Dr. Amen gives them as well.  He credits Byron Katie with developing a technique to help us question our negative thoughts and actually turn them around.

Katie calls it “The Work” and says we must question our negative thoughts and then turn them around.  She offers these four questions:

1)  Is it true?
      Say you are in a disagreement with your child or your parent and you feel he/she’s         not listening to you. The thought may get exaggerated to… He never listens to me!

      Well, it certainly feels true at that moment!

2)  Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

      Well, not exactly. 

      It’s certainly not entirely true; he listens to me sometimes, just not this time.

3)  How do I react when I believe that thought?

      I get defensive, irritable and “pissy” towards him. 

      I’ll start saying stuff I don’t believe just to make a point. 
      I become someone I don’t even like.

4)  Who would I be without the thought?

     Or how would I feel if I didn’t have the thought?

      I feel like I’d be my normal positive thinking self, the me I love when I’m 

      appreciating things, when I’m seeing solutions instead of problems, when I’m 

      seeing what’s going right in the situation and building from there.

The turnarounds…

·         My son always listens to me.  Hmmm. Not sure that’s exactly true.

·         I never listen to my son.  Ohhhh noooo, I don’t think I want to go there.

·         It’s great my son and I get together and talk, even though at times we  

          may disagree and get upset with each other.  This one I like!

Questioning my negative thoughts and turning them around is certainly one way to practice seeing who I am, and more importantly, who I want to be.

Being as we are human, ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts will always have potential to run amuck through our minds.  It’s best to have a plan, an ANTeater, so to speak.

Best of luck with your practice.

Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,

Michael

Welcoming a New Year.

I always love the beginning of a new year. A fresh start. A clean slate. 
A time to think about how I want the next period of my life to unfold. 
And if I’ve learned anything since launching BeYourOwnWingman.com, it’s that it pays to think about what you want to bring into your life. 
You want a better paying job, a healthier body, a more loving relationship…
it all starts with your thoughts.


I know you’ve heard this before but I can’t emphasize it enough. 
Positive thoughts bring positive results. 
Find something to be happy about so you can get some momentum going in your favor.  Yes, it really is that simple.

The problem is, if you’re anything like me, sometimes you get distracted. 
Your mind wonders into the darker places of your past and inertia keeps you there. 
And your new year ends up being a lot like your old year.

I can help you change that.  I can help you start bringing more positives into your life, and at the same time you can help me do the same.  Because when we do things together we create a better synergy.

But it will take some practice.  The good news is I’m really good at coming up with fun practices to help myself and others.  Like years ago when I coached my daughter’s soccer team and had them playing kickball without using their hands. The girls were having so much fun they didn’t even realize how much they were improving their footwork.

If you can stick with me, if you can keep your discipline rolling, if you can have a little consistency and join me in my practices, I believe together, we will bring more positive energy into our lives and those around us.  It’s been working for me really well, and I look forward to it continuing.

So let’s begin today. 

Please join me (spiritually only, as I will be hanging in sweats all day) for what has become one of my favorite days…Vision Board Day, the day in which I begin to deliberately think about what I want this new chapter in my life to look like, and therefore become.
 
Why? 
Because a vision board is a tool (I use a poster board) to help clarify and maintain focus for what you want to have happen in your life this year. The idea behind it is to identify your vision, give it clarity and keep your attention on your intentions throughout the year.

I’ve done a vision board the past two years and, looking back at both posters, I’m amazed at the results. I see pictures of my desires and count how many have come true. This is one practice I now look forward to doing every year. 

Here’s how we do it in my house.  It’s like Arts and Crafts, Wingman style.

1) We consciously envision our desires and cut out pictures and text from magazines that represent them.  They can be as concrete as a picture of your favorite car or as intangible as a better, more loving relationship. 
2) We now attach them to poster board in any way we choose. Some people may have 2 or 3 pictures, some may just use one or two words, others may fill the poster completely.  This is your vision board. Do it how you like.
3) Post or place your vision board where you will see it every day.
4) Relax and let it unfold.

Now that’s what I call a great start to the New Year.

Thanks for allowing me to be your Wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael